Sporadic Thoughts From My Mommy Brain

Black Friday Madness

2009-11-26T22:06:00.000-08:00

This morning I did it. I was out of bed at 3:36 am and hit several stores before the sun was even up. Is this normal for me? Well, no ... But my mother in law did ask nicely and after telling her how I thought waking up that early for sales was crazy I agreed to tag along. J suggested I sing some carols in the lines. I feared typical grouchy holiday shoppers. The parking at walmart was ridiculous. We parked up the road at another store and walked. There was no room to take more than a couple of steps consecutively. However, I did pick up a few gifts and got excellent deals on them, helping to stay in a cheap Sharon budget (I won't even hardly ever buy a shirt over $5, thank you JCPenney clearance.) surprisingly, there weren't any grouchy people either! I was surprises by the few who had matching black Friday shopping team shirts. There was a lot if tag teaming going on. One lady checking out at kohls was hollering to her friend, who was obviously leaving the store on a very important mission saying "I need a RED, PINK and WHITE iPod!!!" and the other lady was like "ok got it!!" oh brother... Seriously, it had better really be on sale or I will just pay more to go when there's nobody there.

I did get an awesome deal on a TomTom. Maybe I should put that on the 4wheeler at the farm next time so I won't get lost. Good idea Sharon.

Sports

2009-07-28T05:57:00.000-07:00

This summer my oldest two boys finished up their first season of t-ball. Now, my middle son is only 4 so he isn't quite the age to get into it that much. However, when my oldest played soccer last time my 2nd son was just itching on the sidelines to get out there and play as well. So we had #2 play up a level to be with #1 so that we wouldn't have to drive all over creation for 2 different teams, practice locations, games, etc.

To throw another kink into the scenario...I'm not a huge baseball fan. Plus when we tried soccer it was very painful to watch. My oldest is very black-and-white and when the coach said "you're going to be here." he would just stand there while everyone else ran around. As far as baseball is concerned, the one or two pro games that I have been to I just sat there to people watch. I wasn't too excited but it was something to do. Hockey however...if there's a fight I am standing up and screaming=loads of fun!

Being a mom changes so much. This summer of t-ball has been the most fun time! Watching your short-legged kiddos run for dear life around a set of bases, scramble for balls and play in the dirt when they should be paying attention is just the best thing. I also must admit that I got a little vocal with cheering everyone on. I started understanding the plays and some of the strategeries. Oh, I mean strategies. *snicker* I also got a kick out of seeing how many kids were doing the bathroom dance during the game. One particular child was up next to bat and the parent hollered "hit it hard and run fast so that you can go to the bathroom." Boy did that kid ever fun fast.

Maybe that's what I should try next time...send them to the dugout with a gallon of water each. Never mind...I did have to escort my oldest to the restroom in the middle of an inning on the last game. We ran and ran and I decided I didn't want to do that again. So much for that strategy.

My husband says he wants to try soccer again. Ack!

Ode To K'Nex

2009-07-09T14:41:00.000-07:00

I hate K'Nex.

They are stupid.*

I want to hit them with a sledge hammer
and then melt them in a deep fryer.
Then I want to run over the remains with my car
and find a rabid dog to toss them over the fence to.

Somewhere in there I would also like to stick them into a meat grinder and see what happens.

* While a piece of plastic cannot and never will have any sort of cerebral function, the design is very flawed. The directions tell you to arrange them just so (even my 4 year old can tell me where that piece is supposed to go) but they never will stay in that position. They fall apart when you put another on. Even when someone with supreme tactile senses as myself (hey, I put sharp instruments under people's gums on a regular basis) is assembling them, it is pretty much a "who on earth designed these and how did the company make such a stupid decision to sell them?" moment.

On the other hand, even though Legos are priced ridiculously high, they make me much happier as my children can assemble them by themselves.

Walking Calculator

2009-06-26T13:26:00.000-07:00

I always prayed for smart kids but my oldest seems to be blooming in the brains a little earlier than I had expected.

See, he's only 5, but he walks around saying "Mommy, what's nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine plus 4?" "Mommy, 14 plus 14 equals the same thing as 14 times two."

Oh me oh my. This goes on all day long. Of course I don't want to discourage it but...ok wow. I knew when we sat down with a piece of scrap paper off of the floor and began writing things like "10 + y = 10 x 2" and he giggled with joy that I was in trouble. This math gene did NOT come from ME. Math was never my forte'. Neither was science but somehow when I went into college that is the direction I went, did well at and enjoyed.

So I finally went by a bookstore that carried homeschool curriculum and found a nice 3rd grade BJU Math book. It's right up his alley. That was last week and now we're on about lesson 8. If he's done playing outside, doing chores or playing on the wii he asks "Mommy, can I do some math?"

This isn't normal, is it?

I just got 2 different wrong #'s on my house phone. Ok that was random. And while I'm on that I'll just randomly end this post.

2 of my favorite things.

2009-04-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

I thought I would share 2 of my favorite things with you all. Each of them are unlike the other, but each of them have made my mommy job a little more fun.

First: Maternity tanks (or shirts) by DownEast Basics

Ok, so obviously I'm not pregnant or needing this anymore, but when I had my 3rd son I finally discovered them. What a lifesaver they would have been with my other two as well. Why? They are EXTREMELY long!! I gained 40, 45, and nearly 50 pounds, respectively, with each of my pregnancies (don't worry...I have lost it all.) But... I had such an extremely big belly. We're talking rolly polly folks. Maternity clothes? What a JOKE! Motherhood Maternity tops still meant air conditioning to my big belly bump.

These tops can be worn over all of your "maternity" tops and cover that baby bump. Could you do that with your husband's tank as well? Well, probably, but these are nice and snug and they don't ride up. Worth. Every. Penny. ...for under $10! Can you say STEAL?

Ok, now...on to #2.

Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. Still haven't tried it? DO IT! Buy a pack! WOW.

(Their website is stupid and won't let me steal their image...how 2009!)

I think the first commercial I remember showed a woman cleaning and somehow having so much fun that she just couldn't stop. Give me a break...cleaning can't be that fun. Do you think I'm stupid? I finally found myself buying a pack because something, who even remembers what, needed cleaned up after a child had access to it. I wet it and went after the said mess.

Magic. That's how they got the name. It's magic. I went all around my house trying to find weird places I had been unable to clean before. It cleaned them. I wore it out. I savored each one down to the last little puffy area until it was gone. Then I bought more.

Spiderman Coloring Book

2008-12-03T10:26:00.000-08:00

I take the idea of this entry from an old personal weblog which I share with family.

My children have all sorts of coloring books floating around the house. Every now and then I weed through them to throw out the old ones. There is one of them that hasn't been colored in much. It's just a little...off.

When I take a peak at it at first it appears to be legit, but further investigation proves that this must have been handed to some junior high student with instructions to make a coloring book as a class project.

Here's the cover:

As you begin browsing through the book, this is the first time you see a colorable spider man. He looks a little funny, no alarms go off yet. Well, other than the subliminally placed "hi" on the upper right hand side of the page.

What in the world is this?! I assume she's reading backwards? What is with her hands?!?!

This is when I decided it was officially by a junior high student.

Most of the villains look normal, at least. The usual curvy woman in the spandex suit.

And finally, my last and favorite page. If eating that is going to give my hands and hair a makeover too, let me outta here.

If you were the creator of this book, my apologies. While this repulsed my eyes, I did however get a really good laugh out of your work. I know we like to ship stuff off to China to get cheap work done, but something tells me that this book was probably still made in the good 'ol US of A. Gotta be proud of that!

Camping

2008-11-29T15:34:00.000-08:00

As I remember, camping was always much more fun as a child than it is now as an adult. Oh, I still enjoy camping, but being the mother at the campout trip just means I'm still doing the usual tasks I would at home, just away from home. Vacation in it's own little way. Enjoying the peace and quiet, the smell of nature, etc. but still doing the dishes, making the meals and cleaning up dirty little faces.

The children are much easier to please because they are able to play with leaves and sticks and can roast marshmallows. It is such an adventure to my poor suburbanite children. They had dirt in every crevice and even skipped a tooth brushing or two.

It was a joy to me when we all walked around the lake on a trail that I had spent time on as a kiddo myself. It was special, but odd. I don't know that I have totally gotten used to seeing them do kid things in the same areas where I used to do kid stuff. My parents sold the home where I grew up so I guess this is a little new to me. I don't like thinking about when I was a kid. I was such a dork. My friend and I chatted about how now we just enjoyed sitting still and reading a book next to the fire, where 15 years ago we had to be all over the place.

Anyway, back to camping.

Hopefully the rest of our company didn't view me as a fuddy duddy, but as they stayed up late to laugh and play games I lay exhausted in my camper. I don't know how many explosive diarrhea pants I cleaned off of my 3 year old (tmi: there's been a virus visiting some of our family and friends) or how many s'mores I had made, or who even finished their dinner. I was just plum wore out. My horse playing days were apparently over. One game is enough to last me a weekend.

Thankfully my husband was usually just as tired as I was, so after the children were all zonked out we sat in front of the fire to enjoy a few moments of peace before we hit the hay as well.

Wait. Camping wasn't like this when I was a kid. Oh well, I wouldn't trade my spot for anything. No matter how fried my eyeballs feel, how many showers I don't get to take or how many poop pants I get to clean up.

Maybe when I'm older (and children grown) I can do this in an RV. Now THAT would be relaxation.

Of course then I would have to live in the thing because I would be broke after buying it.

There are too many idiots in the world.

2008-10-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

I made a trip to Target a couple of days ago to pick up some items for my youngest child's first birthday. To my excitement I found some "1st Birthday" cups on clearance. There were matching plates, napkins and invitations as well. I made sure to stock up. I took the "1st Birthday" plates and turned the package over to see how many where in it, so I would know how many to get.

"For ages 3+"

You're joking, right? First off, it's a PLATE. Second, if I'm going to wait until my child is 3 before I throw them their first birthday party, that is just wrong.

Then again, maybe if my kid was born on a leap year it would kind of work out. No wonder they were on clearance. 3 year old kids having their first birthdays would have been when? Last April, or the year before? I don't know. My brain hurts.

So why do they always package hotdog buns and hotdogs in different amounts? Can't the companies just get together and pick a number?!

You always know that behind every stupid warning label, there is a stupid person who did a stupid thing. I'm not talking about the electric items saying not to use them near water. I'm talking about things like do not use while petting your dog, or do not use when riding a bicycle.

Playgrounds have already taken away see-saws. Yes, they have! Pay attention next time you go.

I wonder when they'll start taking our irons away and making us pay licensed dry cleaners.

Ads in Readers Digest

2008-09-27T17:39:00.000-07:00

You know, I have no training whatsoever in marketing or advertising. However, I have gotten a tickle out of my last two or three copies of Readers Digest.

In the first one, on one side it had 3 or 4 short columns on how to improve your diet, and foods to avoid. It gave a few tips on selecting things to eat that were good or not so bad for you. Towards the bottom of the list is a brownie. Mmmmm, brownie. Oh wait, it's not so good for me. Yuck. Now I'm feeling guilty about wanting it.

On the opposite page?

A sinfully decadent Oreo cookie with some type of new twist like fudge, or chocolate covered or something. So, do you think whenever I see those on the shelf at the store I am going to pick them up and put them in my cart? Goodness, no! In fact, all I can think of is the fat content that they must contain and imagine it encircling my waist.

This advertisement did exactly the opposite that they wanted it to do. It will make me never buy it.

The next month RD did the same thing. Well, their editor did.

On the opposite page?

Now, if they mean it requires less energy to make it in my kitchen, like, say, it gets up by itself and vents the cover, sets the microwave and voila...then cool! But I don't think that's what it means. Yeah, so now I'm not going to buy that either because I think it's stupid and gimmicky.

And speaking of food, this mom was getting really tired of her extra baby pounds hanging around. I've been at the Y all summer long and it was just repositioning itself. So I finally decided to do Weight Watchers at the same time. It's online, mind you. I really don't feel like going to the meetings. And I must say, it has worked splendidly! I lost 16 pounds and am fitting my pre-baby skinny jeans. I actually have about 4-6 pounds until I hit the pre-baby #1, 2 and 3 weight, but hey, I'm not complaining, but all of this talk about food has made me hungry. Waa!

Poop (A recurring theme in my life.)

2008-09-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

Over the holiday weekend we took a trip to Arkansas for my brother-in-law's wedding.

On Monday morning I brought the boys swimming in the hotel pool. Not 10 minutes into our activity I noticed a bulge in the back side of Colton's pants. The previous few days Colton had done very well using the potty, so I had not put a swim diaper on him. A quick investigation led to an instant 2 foot radius of water brownage. We took off for the room and cleaned it up, not before we destroyed the bathroom. Thankfully we would be checking out in 2 hours and (hopefully) would not need to use all of the sixty five towels that were contaminated and thrown onto a pile on the floor.

After we got ready to go, we set off for the wedding location for photos. Unfortunately it was locked, so we went with several other members of the wedding party to McDonald's. We ate lunch and I sent the kids off to play on the equipment they had. I was slightly apprehensive...after all, it is VERY difficult to track down dress clothes for small boys. Dress shirt, tie, slacks, belt, black socks and dress shoes. We were ready to go. Then we noticed something on Colton's knee. Had he fallen into something? Oh, it was also....on his other foot...and coming out of the pant leg. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. A trip into the bathroom revealed a hidden mudslide in his pants. We were t-minus 15 minutes to head back for photos before the ceremony. What's a girl to do? I stripped them off with the socks and shoes, and Jeremy got into wipedown mode. I set to using the nice foamy handsoap and scrubbed the clothes down like crazy in the sink. (JUST A NOTE: This is why you should always treat public restrooms like they are NASTILY FILTHY...because people like me wash poopy clothes in the sink.) And guess what else they had? An electric hand dryer. Never had I ever loved those tree-saving-waste-reducing-cleaner-facilities-machines before in my life. Dry, dry, dry. The pants weren't totally dry, but they worked.

I'm glad my mom raised me to be resourceful.

Fads

2008-07-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

Lately, you've seen lots of these "bumper stickers" on people's blogs:

My husband is not a big fan of fads. I will actually go as far as to say he hates them with a passion. In fact, even though I'm using this particular image as an illustration it won't make any difference and I know he'll give me grief for it as soon as he sees it. I'm predicting it now. "Oh no...not you" *eyeroll* "Uh oh, why are you typing about me? You are making me look so bad! You need to delete that!!" (I love you honey!!)

Anyway. That being said, we had a conversation about this particular fad yesterday on our drive home. The minivan in front of us had one slapped on their back window.

J: "What do you do when the dog dies or gets run over?"

Me: "You have to scrape the dog off the car."

Hoarding chocolate

2008-06-17T18:52:00.000-07:00

I once attended a nutrition seminar (yawn) where the speaker said something that really caught my interest and that I have not forgotten. She asked 5 questions, and if you answered yes to any of them then you had an eating disorder.

The question that caught me?

"Do you ever hide food and eat it in secret?"

Is it just me, or do other mothers not hide their secret little goodies from pudgy little fingers? Of course I hide food! How would a woman stay in her right mind if she didn't get a chocolate bar now and then? Good grief, Charlie Brown.

I do it too much. It doesn't have to be chocolate, but hopefully it is. As a nursing mom I snack a lot during the day as it is. Our local grocery store makes some of the fluffiest tortillas that I have ever had. Zap that sucker for a few seconds, add a pat of butter and I'm set.

Typing this is making me hungry.

And when we go to the grocery store, if by chance I feel I want to treat myself to a candy bar... well, you had better believe I get that clerk to hand it to me for immediate deposit into my purse which somehow is still unknown territory to my kiddos. I slip it out on the drive home, and savor the delicate pieces as discreetly as possible.

As pathetic as this all sounds, I guess I do have an eating disorder. It's called BHNM. Busy hungry nursing mom.

Considering mothers (and other people)

2008-04-07T12:11:00.000-07:00

You've heard it said before, "Being a mother is the hardest job anyone will ever have." and truly, most people do not understand that, save other mothers and a precious little percent of the population. How would they? You are giving up your body to this other little being, and basically your life has a whole new set of priorities. Your mind begins to multi task 15 things at once, and you wonder why other people don't realize you have a dozen demands.

I've had 3 children in 4 years, and have come to accept the fact that people in our society frown upon people having many children. It's looked on as foolishness. Well, if you want to pass on your poor priorities to future generations, I would rather you limit your children, too! The other day I took 4 children up to the hospital to check on somebody. The oldest was taller than mine, and the 3 oldest all held hands in a stair stepped line while I pushed a stroller. I admit, I was a little self conscious, because I felt all the eyes gazing at me. I even had a woman a little worried about me making comments in the parking lot, like "are they all buckled? I'm about to back out. Are you sure? I'm about to back out." I had left the parking lot before she even started her engine. It's like the more children that are with me, the lower my IQ must be. I'm thinking "Lady, I am staring at all of them while I'm talking to you. Do you think I'm blind?"

Ok, I've gotten off track. The point of this entry was supposed to be being considerate to moms. Mothers don't have people cater to them. I am always ecstatic when I find a nice family bathroom or even a grocery cart that will hold all of my children at once. It is not the easiest thing in our society to have a crew toting behind you, but we manage. A well trained child obviously helps, and that is something I have to constantly work on. A grumpy child makes a grumpy parent, which makes anybody around you grumpy. If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy.

I'm off track again.

The next time you see a mother (that includes mothers to be), offer her your chair, open the door for her, if she doesn't have family nearby, offer to babysit sometime. Tiny things really brighten her day! I remember going to a singing at someone's house, very pregnant, my older child demanding to be held (which I did) and being on the verge of crying just because I didn't have a songbook to read out of or a chair to sit in because they were all taken by somebody. Something so stupid made me almost lose it. I felt stupid for thinking somebody should be considerate and offer one up. I wasn't going to ask. I wound up just leaving the room, and I cried all the way home because I didn't get anything out of it. I know people are worse off, but I just fell into a pity party.

Once, we visited a congregation and I heard a mother in the nursery complaining about it being too small. Did she know that at our church we did not have a nursery? I went back to sit on the toilet every time I had to nurse Logan. I remember thinking "why did I even bother coming?" on some days. I know there are other mommies who are going through the same thing. You are doing a wonderful thing bringing that baby to church. They will learn what your priorities are! They will hear you singing along, even if you never hear a sermon.

Just be nice to people! Have many children, and teach them to be considerate. Not just to moms, but to everyone. Old, sick, shy, new, Christian or not. New moms have a very hard time adapting to their new role in life. Especially if they are far away from their own mothers or family. They will look up to you. Sure being a mom isn't the same as being an elderly shut-in, but every "group" has their own struggles. As life goes by, there are phases which each present a challenge. And there will be those select few, who help you get through them. As people enter into new roles, they don't know everything. It takes time, wisdom from others who have been there, and caring people to make it easier on their transition.

I know several new mommies out there who are making this transition. I am thankful for the people around them who are helping them with their new roles!

Pass the ginko, please.

2007-12-10T17:21:00.000-08:00

Every child sucks some brain cells out of you. It doesn't take some fancy schmancy scientist to tell or convince me of that. Either that's the deal, or I'm much more aware of how stupid I am. You take your pick. Never mind, scratch that. I'll chose the former.

Really, how difficult is it to not know where you just sat the shirt you're trying to change into? Or to remember the last time you brushed your teeth? And I'm a registered dental hygienist! But really, for the most part we still get by. Everyone gets fed, dressed and bathed often enough. Now if I can remember to finish my Christmas shopping by Christmas day, we'll be set.

Speaking of Christmas, this first that my husband and I won't be exchanging gifts. Before kids, I would have grimaced at such an idea. But after shelling out a bunch of cash to pay for hospital bills (#3 just arriving) and buying the dreaded minivan, I really don't mind. I say that, but let's see if I feel the same way on Christmas morning.

Speaking of minivan, I actually like it. Well, the inside that is. It's too bad I can't get some James Bond kind of paint job with 89173984793713113 little mirrors that make the outside look like it's some Lexus SUV or something. Life is rough. But I'm not dreading long road trips anymore!

Just Another Weblog-An introduction to my life as a near minivan driving mother.

2007-11-16T13:21:00.000-08:00

Why do I need another weblog? Well, let's face it. Nobody will probably read this one. There are other popular weblog sites whom I have accounts with, only for the mere convenience of tracking down old college buddies or such people. Nevertheless, this may be fun to tinker around with as a full fledged public mom blog. Maybe someone will read it and find some minuscule amount of enjoyment.

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When I became a mother, there were 2 things that became very clear to me. No. 1: You'll never be prepared, no matter how much you think you are. Simple enough.

No. 2: Everyone is going to give you advice. It is important to take advice (from people you look up to), and it's important to ignore it (from those people with the little animal children, or the know it all people who don't even have children). Everyone is going to tell you what to do, so just smile and nod. Now with 3 sons, I have become the expert smile-and-nodder. Especially since my oldest is only 4. Yeah, you usually get plenty of looks when you lug a nearly 4 year old and a 2 1/2 year old to the grocery store, doctor's office, church, etc. with a gigantic whale belly. Thankfully #3 has now entered the world, but I've yet to tote them all out into public yet...I had my first cesarean only 2 1/2 weeks ago, so cut me some slack.

3 children also means I have graduated to something I was trying to delay until I reached the age of 30 (I'm a respectful 27 1/2 years old, thank-you-very-much). Oh yes...the world of minivan driving moms. I really hate minivans. Why, you ask? They're not cool. But, very functional. Call me shallow if you will, but these facts I cannot deny. How else will we survive the 6+ hour trek to my in-laws home? So, now I browse online and try to decide what color of used Town and Country I want.

Great.

Stay tuned next week for who knows what.